Stop chasing types

One of the most commonly asked questions when you’re single, or looking into relationships or maybe even among your girlfriends on a girls night out is, “What is your type?” When it comes to types and the lessons to be had for having them, this is what this blog is all about. I’ve grown to hate the word “type” when it comes to relationships, here’s why….

You see it wasn’t until I was older that I realized how much having a “type” will hold you back from where and who your meant to be with. It will hold you back from the people that you are meant to enjoy the most. When you think about your “type” if you have one I want you to think about how far that has gotten you. When I look back at the times in the past where I dated consistently with what I thought to be my type, it was full of disappointments. When you have this set idea of your “type” of person set in your mind, you believe that that type is solely what you should stick and anything outside that realm you turn away from. You feel if you go out of that description of your “type” that you’re settling. Well I’m here to tell you that if you have a “type” that in itself is settling.

Here was my type. I was into guys that lived to workout, big musclely ones. I’m making “musclely” a word if it isn’t. Guys that competed just as I do. I looked for that swolemate package. I had this list of how this guy would act, what he would look like, etc. Now this doesn’t go for all guys that are as so but with my experience having that idea of a type left me very much empty. I found that those I dated or saw for a period of time, loved themselves more than they did me, I wasn’t a priority but more so something that looked good beside him competing. It was wrong of me to think this way from the very beginning, I’m sure I missed out on a lot of just good souls to meet along the way, and I’m not only talking from a dating perspective. People still to this day think that that’s my type. I’m here to tell you, I don’t have a type anymore.

When I stopped having a “type” I found myself to be much more happier and stress free, not fighting to find that person who met all the bullet points. When you have this set idea of a type for you and someone walks into your life that doesn’t meet it completely, it ruins your perception of them when sometimes life is trying to show you something different for you and great. I’m telling you that person is there to tell you something, don’t stray from that soul.

Lesson to be learned, don’t have a type. Don’t close doors to something different. I believe in our souls and how they connect to certain people. In a blink of an eye, your soul can show you something or someone that you didn’t know was there. Souls connect to where they are meant to be. We question how someone can show up in our life when we are our happiest and even our saddest and change our whole mindset about our situation or point in our lives. I’m not saying settle and to not have expectations of what we deserve, we always need to have those. I’m saying don’t make types especially types that are so specific that you are pushing brighter opportunities and chances away.

Sweet Alabama Time

IMG_3376The more I get to travel and see more places in Alabama, makes me realize how blessed I am to live in such a beautiful place!

Every time I have the opportunity to hit the road and put some miles in my view, I take it.

I came from a small town called Roanoke, Virginia and I’ve always thought I belong further south. That being said, when I moved to Huntsville I was surrounded by 100,000 more faces than what I was use to back in my small town in VA. I was ALL for it, for once it feels nice to be small in a big place.

My love for this state grows everyday, even more so when I get in the car and drive around.

Ever since I was a little girl I always dreamed of a white farmhouse on a piece of land with a big wrap around porch with kids running around the front yard.

As I’ve grown older I still find myself wanting the same things. Pinning all my rustic country wedding ideas and rooms of my future house. (basic, right?) When I drive down the roads surrounding me when I get outside of Huntsville, I see myself planting roots with all of those things. Something I wasn’t able to see until I made my move.

Alabama time has revealed so many things before my eyes. Everything has come together slowly but surely and has given me blessing after blessing and hope for the what the future holds. Sweet time that isn’t rushed or worrysome but time that just feels right to me in whatever that moment may be.

My heart has led me to where I belong, my heart has led me to HOME. ❤

There’s something to be said

There’s something to be said about women putting down other women. In my experiences when you express your truest and rawest self and more often times your happiness, that’s when the negative Nancy’s come out with all the comments. It’s when you have that pep in your step and glow on your skin that people want to start picking things apart or more so attempting to. Don’t let em do it, I don’t. I’ll keep my smile and go on doing what I’m doing.

Here is my thought on those kind of women, WE don’t need your support. And by we I mean the women who are genuinely themselves all the time despite what it may or may not look like to others. I don’t need your follow, if you have something negative to say and in this case (which triggered me to do this blog) saying untrue things…. Let me politely give you that swift kick in the ass to go on and mind your own.

You see what I’ve found is that a lot of your follow or girl base at surrounds you will only have kind words to say when you’re unhappy or going through a struggle (pretty pathetic right?) I think so. The “I’m here for yous” and “you deserve betters.” And when something good comes around the comments disappear. What does that sound like to you? Hmmmmm. Now this doesn’t go for everyone but for a large group whether it’s behind a keyboard or to your face (mostly keyboard warriors). On the other side there are women who support you through it all and when happiness comes along they are in AW and so happy for you and the bliss you’re experiencing. I love those women, they are the ones you want to surround you and share your moments with.

There’s something be said about people who can’t be happy for your happy. They have problems of their own and in my opinion big ones. My advice is to delete them. They are dealing with demons of their own, major ones when they come around when times are good and try to poke a hole in it.

Until then I’ll be staying true to my raw genuine self because it’s getting me places, all while being happy and chasing my dreams and in this case making them reality.

I’m My Constant 

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on self love and self help. Reading has been a way of giving my focus to something else to better my inner and soul health. I’ve found that I’ve been worrying about all the wrong things, rushing things that will come (hopefully) and holding onto things I should have let go of a long time ago.

In the books I’ve read and even in my career now, it expresses how important consistency is and wherever you fall with your character and heart, be consistent with it. Own it. It addresses that the people we allow into our life must be consistent to us to or they do us no good. They keep us backtracking.

So I’m owning me. And in owning me I’ve decided I’m my biggest constant in my life. Some of you could say the same about yourselves. Some of you may find your constant stronger in something else. Now I have other constants like my family, my mother who is my absolute rock, my select few friends in my small circle I’ve chosen to have, taking action to become a better woman everyday  and my love for bettering myself in and out of the gym, on and off the stage. You see I’ve come to realized I’ve been holding onto and even worrying about things and poeple who were never constants in my life, I couldn’t depend on and were constantly walking in and out of my life. These things are bad. Again backtracking. I’ve been so caught up on chasing things that aren’t for me right now and honestly now seeing some things were never meant and I just needed a wake up call.

You’re beautiful. You’re life is beautiful. You’re heart is beautiful. You’re goals and ambitions are beautiful.  We are all individually beautiful even though at times we see that as the very last thing we are. We start to lose sight of these things about ourselves when we forget to be our strongest constant.

I lost my constant when I starting beating myself up about what is and what’s not instead of embracing what all I have now. I know where I’m going and it’s forward but I was so strapped by the things I lacked or longed for. Silly things. Painful things. Time things. So many things.

Being your constant involves doing what’s best for you and taking your wings and taking them where ever your heart desires  without trying to meat unreadable goals within unreachable time frames. Yes your goals can be met but be realistic and don’t be so hard and critical of yourself.

Want my example?

Mine would be my failed relationships and blaming myself for the fact that I’m single and I’m surrounded by marriage and babies and the “why not me.” What is so wrong with me? The answer is a lot but that’s not the reason. I have many imperfections, flaws and faults but that’s not why. My why is that it’s not my time. My goals and dreams with being head over heels in loved and building my family has been unrealistic to the time I’ve put on it. The day that happens day I will be the happiest girl in the world as I’m sure that’s true for many but what’s the rush. I’ve come to find out there is none. Others would find challenges of losing weight within a crazy small time and getting depressed when it doesn’t happen is there example or accepting being mistreated by someone and getting the same end result and blaming themselves. There could be so many.

Be your constant. Do right by you and your life and the things and people you love. Don’t backtrack. Focus on the picture ahead because it’s there and you’re getting there, it may be today or tomorrow, next week, month, year, five years, but it’s coming and when it does it’s at the perfect time.

 

XOXO

 

 

Soul Searching

New moves so why not a new blog to represent my new life in northern Alabama…

As I take the time to reflect, I’ve seen so much change in my life in the few months I’ve been in my new home. The moment I graduated high school I knew I wanted to move way away from all I knew and start and new chapter all on my own. I didn’t move right away, it took me 4 more years and graduating college to actually putting my dreams into action. Part of the reason for it taking so long was partly because I didn’t know if I would ever have the opportunity to do so and the other reason being I didn’t quite know if I was brace enough to be so far away from the ones I love so much.

Many have asked me how I did it and why I did it… I am proud of myself for many of the reasons I chose to and not too pleased with some of the others but I’ll be honest. ~~~

One reason was because I had a lot of bad memories that surrounded me in my hometown, you get tired of seeing the same faces that treated you so poorly in your younger years, I felt as if I was still trapped in my high school years and falling deeper into a hole that eventually would swallow me if I allowed it any longer.

Secondly, I’ve always been the girl who wanted spread her wings and pick up my stuff and drop myself off somewhere and start over. New state, New places, new faces, new beginning and I could write my story the way I wanted to. I started visiting Alabama in July of 2016, I had never even been through the state until then and I fell in love with it, something told me come October that I needed to make things happen and Alabama would be my new home to do so, so a month later, November 15th I moved to Huntsville, Alabama and all I knew changed for me. I feel so much love here and I’ve adopted the word “fixin” to vocabulary. The future holds so much for me here, I see myself here for a long time and starting a family here, planting my roots. (What I’ve always wanted)

Thirdly, I found my big girl job! In October I started applying for Criminal Justice jobs in Alabama and got a response back a week later for one! I graduated in May of 2016 with a Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice from Roanoke College. The job searching didn’t go as planned back home so when I got called to come to Alabama to interview I knew my prayers were being answered. I’m pursuing a career in law enforcement, something so many have doubted I could ever do. I’m starting over where I have so much to learn about living here and I’m making things happen. Its the best feeling someone could have.

Last reason, at the time I was chasing what I thought to be love. When you want to be closer to someone and the opportunity presents itself, I believe most would take it so I did. I thought time was telling me this would make the move even more of an adventure but I was wrong. We don’t always understand why things end the way they do because we have this perfect picture in our heads of how things will be or should be but I am beyond blessed that it still brought me here. I’m thankful for that added bonus I was seeing at the time because it brought me to the happiest point in my life.

I am finally blissfully happy with this new chapter in life.

What happened to “missfithaleym”?  She’s still here. Part of the reason I did this blog was because I’ve been doing a good bit of soul searching. When I moved a lot changed for me, good and bad but mostly good. At the time that I changed my name if you will, I was under a lot of pressure that I felt I needed to change for others. When you compete some understand what you post while others demean it and tell you that you post “half naked” posts to boost your moral amongst other attacks at your character, I’m saying now to HELL with those kind of people, they aren’t you and if they can’t see your heart and message behind your post then they don’t really matter. I let this get to me. I dropped my name and I walked away from a sponsorship. Everything I loved about competing and fitness just disappeared from my heart (at least it felt that way).

The truth is it’s never left me, I’ve just been taking more time to figure out things for me. I’ll be competing again, just not sure when yet, but it’s definitely in the works. This time away has given me freedom to things I haven’t been able to enjoy without worrying about appearances, I’ve met so many people here that now I couldn’t imagine life without, I’ve come to appreciate so many more things in life all while focusing on me.

So right now in life I’m focusing on balancing the two. I can honestly say health and mind wise, I’m the best/happiest I’ve ever been and I can’t wait to see where life takes me here in Alabama. I’ve learned you never should change yourself for anyone, anyone who wants to be apart of your life will be despite any flaws you may have in their eyes.

 

XOXO

Hales

 

 

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